ADVICE FOR SMOKERS

Hey, stop sucking in that poisonous burning thing for a moment and consider a suggestion. You realize, of course, you’re slowly killing yourself with inevitable nicotine-induced cancer.

Here’s a suggestion. With an admirable gesture of tender family love, you can opt to turn your fatal addiction into a noble deed. It’s really very simple. Take a hike to your town’s busiest traffic intersection during drive time. Close your eyes and walk into the street against the red light.

Of course, the impact will be painful as hell, but only for an instant. On the other hand, if you continue smoking, the agony will develop more slowly, but will get just as intense. You’ll suffer final long days and nights in a hospital bed as you cough yourself to death.

And think of how the quick demise on the street will benefit your grateful loved ones. They won’t have to spend months and all the family savings while watching you slowly fade away in grossly overpriced hospital care.

Another benefit your surviving loved ones may enjoy would be if they hire a crafty lawyer and sue the unfortunate driver who hit you. Agreed? Now, just take another deep puff, cough and go out there to seek a very expensive car for your fatally noble encounter.

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