To a guy of my nearly-90 years, three-score and ten isn’t quite dotage. However, when elderly action hero Sylvester recently announced he’s planning to do both another Rambo and Rocky movie, it’s mind-boggling.
It will be the fifth episode for Rambo and sixth for Rocky. We faithful fans have grown old, and also a bit tired, while enjoying his heroic antics over the past four decades. However, as with the rest of us, Sylvester’s soon-to-be-70 mind and body may have slowed down just a wee bit.
So, let’s imagine some thrilling scenes in the new sequels:
Rambo thrashes the bad guys with his cane, then pops a wheelchair wheelie as he chases them.
Rocky loses the fight in the boxing ring because in round three, six and ten he has to stop and go wee wee.
Confused Rambo rescues GI buddies from World War I.
Final sequel to Rambo’s “First Blood” is titled “Tired Blood.”
Senile Sylvester gets wrong script, causing befuddled Rocky to Rambo machine-gun the other boxer.
In his new movie, Rambo gets wounded in action, but has to wait in line for three years to get into a veterans hospital.
Rambo invades North Korea disguised as Dennis Rodman.
Stallone doesn’t die in the new sequels, but his hair dyes.
Sylvester plans to make an intercontinental movie with Arnold and the other incontinent old guys similar to the The Expendables, titled The Dependsables.