News Item: Woman, 86, Lives Permanently On A Cruise Ship

Imagine waking up every morning in a different place. Sounds like my old Navy days, but it didn’t happen to me while at sea. It was ashore after drinking a bit too much the night before.

The almost-my-age, sea-going senior has a permanent cabin aboard a luxury cruise ship, and pays $164,000 a year. However, it really isn’t that expensive when you consider it includes shuffleboard, lifeboat drills, endless buffet lines, norovirus and seasick pills.

Since retiring 25 years ago, I’ve been on dozens of cruises, and would go crazy on any voyage of over five or six days of doing absolutely nothing. Of course, when I was much younger and in the Navy, there was always something to keep me busy, such as scrub decks, play poker and man my battle station.

On a permanent post-retirement cruise, I’d be overcome with boredom. Imagine, nothing to do but stare at the same sea and at other old people across the table at every meal. Of course, there would be some excitement when a fellow senior cruiser would have a heart attack, get seasick or repeat the same story for the umpteenth time.

Should you be concerned about the insane $164,000 the woman pays annually for her permanent onboard bunking? Do you wonder how many more practical things she could do with that huge amount of moolah? Will these ideas stir your creative thoughts?

Send several hundred poor kids to Disneyland, and then pay for measles medicine after they go scratching home.

Buy a football inflation machine for the inflated-ego New England Patriots.

Donate it all to World Peace. Actually, for the pro basketball player named Metta World Peace (born Ron Artest), who can sure use the dough. Now age 36, he’s playing for lychee nuts in far-away China, because no inflated-salary U.S. team wants him.

Pay the Kardashian Klan to stop waving their inflated booties, shut the hell up and go away.

Provide tuition to poor students at universities that hand out $50,000 plus for one-hour teleprompter speeches by ego-inflated Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, Bill Clinton and Whatsisname Romney.


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