Is it all an under-inflated tempest in a Boston teapot? Or are Tom Brady and his New England crew guilty of a deflating crime against the over-inflated egos of the National Football League? Did the Patriots unpatriotically soften the football illegally to get an hard edge on the other team?
I’m not much of a football fan. For reasons I don’t remember after eight decades, my high school never had a football team. Our main sport was soccer, but was lousy at it. However, I was a fairly good second baseman. So, my lifelong fan preferences have been with baseball. With the 2015 Major League season about to start, I don’t care about illegal football shenanigans.
I can brag that my favorite sport does many more creatively illegal things with baseballs than any football league could begin to think up. Just for starters, consider the spit ball, tar ball, bean ball and dead ball.
Additionally, and are you paying attention, Tom Brady, there’s the absolutely honest softball. That word is also used to describe reporters who ask too easy questions of crooked (are there any other kind?) politicians.
Another highly-publicized sports violation is the illegally dropped ball in golf. I recall a recent incident when Tiger Woods was penalized two strokes for that transgression in a major tournament. Of course, he also dropped the ball with a thud in his marriage, and the penalty was a ballistic, multi-million-dollar divorce settlement.
Another ball problem some feline fanciers may worry about would be during the Madison Square Garden Cat Fanciers Show. Some contestants could cough up too many hair balls. Even more seriously, look at what happened at the ball when Cinderella showed up wearing glass pumps.
I may show sympathy for the fate that may await Tom Brady and the New England Patriots if they must suffer a ball-manipulation penalty. Therefore, at my favorite restaurant tonight I shall order Rocky Mountain oysters.