Whoever Created Sex Had One Helluva Sense Of Humor

With all the hype and hoopla about Fifty Shades of Grey, this almost-90-year-old guy wonders why sex continues to be such a big hush-hush deal. Anyhow, it seems advocates of that new, porn-to-mainstream breakthrough movie believe we’re all descendants of apes. Therefore, sex should be as natural as monkeyshines in the trees. 

Others insist the first humans were created by a divine guy in the sky, and appeared on Earth fully formed as one male and one female in the Garden of Eden. That couple must have figured out what to do behind the fig leaves, because they begat Cain and Abel. 

Today, we’re supposed to follow strict sexual taboos as determined by authority figures who piously control our lives. They determine which body parts and uses for them we’re permitted to discuss without censorship. 

There are other parts we may only whisper about in off-color jokes or angry curses. Some parts traditionally have just one sexual function, while others have many, including several unusual uses featured so graphically in Fifty Shades of Grey. 

According to our morality managers, we can talk and joke openly about, let’s say for example, clipping toenails, plucking eyebrows and rubbing elbows. However, it’s considered obscene, except in Bill Cosby’s dressing room or Bill Clinton’s Oval Office, to indulge in, exhibit, talk and/or joke freely about our reproductive organs. 

If the rules were reversed and other body parts were deemed sexually taboo, how about this (porno)graphic revelation: Jack and Jill went up the hill. After tumbling down, together they passionately plucked eyebrows, rubbed elbows and clipped toenails.

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