Bending Genders Could Have Some Historic Precedents (and Presidents)

The sexual identity controversy is overwhelming in the news media today! Straight! Gay! Bi! Transgender! For example, we’re bombarded daily with all the Bruce Jenner publicity about morphing from male to female. 

The Olympic Gold Medal winner is now Caitlin, and recently appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair in full make-up as a woman in a bathing suit. Therefore, can you guess what is expected to be one of the most popular Halloween costumes this year? Especially worn by hairy, unshaven, grossly overweight guys.

Actor Jeffrey Tambor recently won a 2015 Emmy for his portrayal of a trans-sexual father in the TV show “Transparent”. All this recent gender fuss forces me to ponder about historic people who could’ve decided to make the same physical transition.

Let’s start with the Biblical 900-year-old whose transgendered name today could be Ms. Methusalahna. No more long white beard, the newly-feminized prophet would be very sensitive about her appearance. With creative cosmetics, Botox, wig, depilatories and skin tucks here and there, she could easily pass for age 500.

Pondering through the years, if that famed Russian czar had undergone some drastic transgender surgery, would all the history books now call her Peterless the Great? If England had crowned Henrietta VIII, would she have opted to wed six husbands? Then, when she tired of them and ordered executions, would it have been, “Off with their you-know-whats!”

If the first American president had decided to surgically become Georgia Washington, would we today call her the Mother of our Country? Or, because Washington was a slave owner, in some neighborhoods, would his feminine title be pronounced Muthuh of our Country?

Abe Lincoln should have appeared at Ford’s Theater pre-transgendered as the first Abbey Lincoln. Then she would’ve been on stage singing cool jazz, instead of sitting way up in the balcony. We all know that’s where pistol-packing, hot-headed actress Joan Wilkes Booth would’ve lurked.

Finally, think of some popular male celebrities of today, and how their lives would be transformed if they went transgender: Tigress Woods, Justine Bieber, Roberta De Niro, Allie Pacino, Melody Gibson, Bonnie Jovi, Georgia Clooney, Lamara Odom and, of course, Usherette.

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