People To Be Thankful For On Turkey Day

Donald Trump: Our dear President-Elect is almost, but not quite the worst candidate in history. He just beat that one.
Woodrow Wilson: Won 1916 election with campaign slogan: He kept us out of war. Yeah, sure he did until 1917. We’d be thankful if someone had told that to the Bush guys before they got us into the current endless wars.
Bill Clinton: We’re thankful Bill Clinton won’t be back in the White House. The staff finally got the Oval Office cleaned up.
Vladimir Putin: We’re thankful he’s not quite as bad as Joe Stalin. We’d appreciate it if he invited Trump to go golfing with him in Afghanistan or Syria.
Bernie Sanders: We are blessed to know that being very elderly and totally senile is not a bad thing in politics.
Barack Obama: We can be thankful that he’s leaving office without starting a new war, and for putting up with Joe Biden for eight years.
Caitlin Jenner: We’d appreciate someone telling him/her that once you cut it off, you can’t sew it back on again.
Colin Kaepernick: We’d all be thankful if he’s required to stand up while he slices his Thanksgiving turkey.

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