NY, NY: If You Can Make It There, You’ll Make It Anywhere

Sinatra sang all about it! Do ya wanna make it in Manhattan? Lots of money, and tax free! Here’s the plan. First, a change in costume. You’ve heard experts advising dress for success. Well, for this profitable scheme in the Big Apple, you must dress for failure.

If you’re a guy, put away that neat suit and tie, and get some tattered togs. If you’re a gal, go to a charity store and choose the most ragged, over-sized, baggy clothing you can get. If everything’s frayed and soiled, so much the better. Additionally, be sure your face and hair also look tattered and torn.

Attired in a fashionably-shabby outfit, you’ll need a hearty breakfast before the creative Manhattan business venture. Just ask any other ragged wanderer for directions to the nearest free food shelter.

He’ll tell you which of the charities serve the best breakfasts. He can also warn you to stay away from those that require a religion session while you eat. Not that it’s bad to pray, but it could delay getting that third helping of Spam’n’eggs.

With a hearty breakfast under that piece of rope that serves as a belt, it’s time to participate in the city’s most lucrative activity for those dressed for failure. Some call it panhandling, but it’s actually a method of attaining money the same way Uncle Sam collects taxes. Then he gives it all away to crooked Wall Street barons and politicians.

The work day setting is simple. Just station yourself at a busy Manhattan corner at about seven a.m. Put an open hat or cap on the ground directly in front of your shabby shoes, assume a pathetic, hang-dog look and, viola, you’re in business. To give value for value, something no Wall Street crooks do, hold up a cup of pencils or strum a guitar.

Display a big sign to attract customers, such as JOB OUTSOURCED TO MEXICO or CRUSHED BY WALL STREET GREED or ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS GET ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY or something equally as creative, but not too offensive.

An improved setting is to sit a scruffy, skinny dog beside you, preferably a bloodhound type with large, soulful eyes. For even more effective pathos, add a raggedy little child. Maybe hire the kid to apprentice for your business, to help him/her become a lawyer or politician.

Be sure the kid is thin, and with eyes at least as large and tragic as the dog’s. A soiled bandage around one of the shoeless little feet is a nice touch. OK, got it? You’re now a genuine New York tax-free business tycoon!

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