Old Guy Fantasy: Dating History’s Most Famous Women

March is Women’s History Month, and this is my tribute to those of the fair sex who are honored. Of course, since my nominees have all long ago departed this planet, my trysts are purely (or impurely) imaginary:

Eve: What! Figs for breakfast again. Yeah, I know. You need the leaves for that new spring outfit.

Bathsheba: Hi, Bathy. Dave asked me to take you out tonight. He says he’s scheduled to get stoned with a really, really big guy, and will join us later.

Cleopatra: Julius and Marc called and said you should get your asp to Vegas. We’ll all be groovin’ at Caesars Palace.

Helen of Troy: They say your face launched a thousand ships. When I was in the Navy, I dated a girl whose face did the same. She was so freaky, all the ships went steaming in the opposite direction.

Joan of Arc: I know it’s difficult to cook while wearing that suit of armor. But did you have to burn at the steak? (the selfie is because she was so vain)

Marie Antionette: I know you’re very attracted to little old me, Queenie, but let’s not lose our heads about it.

Catherine of Russia: You’re called Catherine the Great, but after that last date we had, maybe I’d call you Cathy the Better Than No Date At All.

Amelia Earhart: OK, I’ll hit the wild blue yonder with you, but let’s leave the airplane in the hanger.

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