The USA Today website recently carried an article by a guy who believes his medical condition may result in death within a couple of months. He’s considering donating his body to be chopped up in some lab, then parts given away and/or studied for scientific research.
As I approach and hope to attain my 92nd birthday, the article has me thinking of making some similar choices. However, I don’t want medical nerds messing around with my post-mortem pickled private parts. I’d rather they be used in more practical ways. For instance, I’d donate my:
Brain to the White House. Since the new regime moved in, it would be the only brain in the hollow and hallowed halls of the presidential mansion.
Liver to our pet cat. He always goes nuts when I fry up chicken livers in the kitchen. Then I’ll posthumously know he’s still very fond of me.
Lungs to a heavy cigarette smoker. I realize most are too addicted to quit. However, just before some nicotiniac coughs to death, my healthy lungs may, if the addict goes for vaping, provide another year, or maybe two of failing health.
Butt to a religious terrorist who plans to blow his own ass off. Maybe also donate my private parts to the eager bomber. He’ll need fresh new privates posthumously when he meets his 72 virgins.
Middle finger to a daily rush hour road hog, who wore out his digit while communicating lovingly with other drivers in heavy traffic.