Humor: Things That Cause Suicidal Senior Dementia

Online ads from a medical service listed reasons why we very old folks go ga-ga. They cite such mind-bending things as obesity, smoking and depression.

However, this almost 92-year-old, soon to be a babbling patient of Dr. Al S. Heimer, has more pertinent causes for losing my meandering mind. Here are just a few:

1. Last year’s presidential election where an insanely terrible candidate won over a slightly worse than awful candidate.

2. Current world leaders all playing with their nuclear bomb launchers, knowing another idiotic war will end all wars, as well as the human race.

3. Unisex, multisex and gender-bender toilets are now deeply-seated in the American psyché.

4. Thought impossible, but online click-baiting and TV ads get even more obnoxious. Repeatedly hammered into our feeble brains, they’re more effective than Soviet Russian brainwashing. The ads make me cry out mindlessly: I gotta, I gotta, I gotta go buy that gas-guzzling car and also cure my gas-puzzling bowels with that miracle pill.

5. Multi-million-dollar pro jock salaries keep soaring to insane amounts. Studious young athletes complete their college degrees majoring in classroom non-attendance and enhancement drugs to go on to monumentally high buck$.

6. Robocalls. Somehow those freaky phoners in Pakistan, China or Nairobi know exactly when to call me. My phone rings only when I’m walking across a busy street, asleep in the other room and/or on the john.

7. Blindly talking on smartphones. How can people be so stupid while yakking on the little box jammed against their earlobes or eyeballs? Whether driving on busy highways, walking on crowded sidewalks or in store check-out lines, nothing goes on in their blank brains as they gab and gawk endlessly.

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