From Hollywood To Heaven: Sexuality Is History

The flood of show biz abuse stories and lawsuits blaring out every day are reaching ridiculous proportions. The hysteria is distorting the most basic human behavior, and just maybe, our survival.

Is this an insane rush to end sexual relations between men and women forever? Even tho horny old guys shouldn’t proposition vulnerable girls and boys, we hope young male adults will keep doing it. Or else, how will babies get here to continue the human race?

Anyhow, all this talk about those horny old guys molesting people is nothing new. It reminds us of similar sexual incidents in human history:

Cleopatra: The dirty old Pharaoh keeps grabbing my asp.
Marie Antionette: Isn’t this giving head going a bit too far?
King Midas: Girl, be thankful I touched it. Everything I touch turns to gold.
Lincoln: Four score and seven guys didn’t score.
Goliath: Hey, Dave, did you get me stoned so you could have a giant gay old time with me?
Adam: Gee, Eve, how can you accuse me of molesting another woman?
Jesus to Mary Magdalene: Cease the holier than thou routine, thou street slut!
Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman …. In the last hour or so.
Donald Trump: Hasn’t committed his worst sexual abuse yet, but give him time.

That Tail-Waggin’ Dog May Not Be So Friendly

On a recent daily stroll along the street, I did what has become a ritual of greeting and shooting pix of dogs, cats, birds, pigs and other pets of fellow hikers. I post many on this old guy blog.

One large bulldog (not dog in photo) had on an interesting collar, so I leaned down to shoot. First, to show I was friendly, I reached out to pet his head. In an instant, my hand was punctured by teeth in his large snapped-shut jaw. The result was a golf ball-sized, bloody hole on the back of my hand. It required an ambulance ride, rabies and tetanus shots, emergency hospital visit and many stitches.

During several painful, bandaged hand weeks thereafter, I stayed away from all dogs. However, as I was resting on a bench several days ago, this little one suddenly approached and put his paws on my knee.

As I quickly and fearfully snapped this photo, I asked why the dog wasn’t on a leash. The owner replied, “He’s very friendly.” I wish the big bulldog had felt the same. Simple lesson: Don’t pet a strange dog, especially a large one with enormous sharp teeth.

Desperate For More Recruits, Army Now Enlisting Nutcases

According to USA Today, requirements have been lowered to accept those would-be soldiers with crazy histories. According to the official War Department list, their peculiarities include “self-mutilation, bipolar disorder, depression and drug and alcohol abuse”.

So, let’s give these nutcase guys weapons. What could possibly go wrong? Put one of the crazies on guard, and he calls out: Halt, who goes there? Bang. Gee, I wonder who went there. So, what the hell! Let all the nutcases into the Army!

Hey, come to think about it, insane military characters are nothing new in the good old USA. Consider Mad Anthony Wayne, George Old Blood & Guts Patton, Stonedwall Jackson, Dugout Doug MacAthur, Lighthorse Harry Lee, Sergeant Bilko, Captain Queeg, Dr. Strangelove, Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf and every basic training sergeant and Navy boot camp chief.

LATE FLASH: The Army now says because of all the heavy criticism caused by the USA Today report, it will not seek recruits with mental problem histories. Hmmm. Did anyone just see some white-coated guys carrying straight jackets run into the Pentagon?

Los Angeles CA Annual HomeWalk: To End Homelessness

Scheduled for Saturday, November 18 in the city’s downtown Grand Park, the event is held to raise money and aid programs for those unfortunates who roam the streets of Los Angeles.

The city has one of the largest homeless populations in America, totaling a staggering 57,000! And with raging inflation and rising unemployment, it’s increasing every year. For event locations, times and other info, go to UnitedWayLA.org/homewalk

Most U.S. Security Cameras Made In China. Duh!

According to the Wall Street Journal, a large percentage of those peeping little eyes in embassies, government buildings and military bases were assembled by those crafty, underpaid little Chinese kids. They’re the typical 50¢-an-hour employees in factories in Beijing, Chongqing, Shanghai and Chengdu.

Along with peeping at people, advanced technology most likely allows the cameras to record more detailed info, including the most sensitive U.S. secrets. So, military or government workers, next time you see the lens staring at you, instead of revealing sensitive secrets, just say: One order of wonton soup, chicken chow mein, fried rice and a fortune cookie. To go.

CBS TV Comedy Series In Production: Assisted Living

It seems Hollywood has fallen in love with the elderly who spend their last days saying and doing funny things. Other similar shows that will also soon darken screens, include Cool Kids and Guess Who Died, about hilarious fictional nursing homes when inevitable death arrives.

This 92-year-old writer has had considerable experience with such institutions, and despite my keen sense of humor, finds the subject too often sadly unfunny. First is the ever-elevating cost. In my first encounter with a nursing home as a volunteer some 35 years ago, the average fee was $500 a month. Today it’s $5,000 and rising exponentially.

Second, is daily care. My recent visit to a local nursing home to see a close relative was frustrating. Her clothing had ID labels, but all had been with other patients for mass cleaning. Then distributed willly-nilly among them. Nothing fit, and patients wandered with clothing too large or too small.

When I volunteered to work night shifts, I too often found many on-duty staffers stretched out asleep on couches and floors for hours. Of course, there isn’t much bedside and bedpan nursing required when elderly patients are asleep. However, when you’re being paid $30 an hour, you should at least honestly work some of it.

I wish the new TV series on assisted living facilities are successful. Beyond that, I hope the story lines will help people realize there are serious issues related to the proper and honest care of beloved elderly family members. For an interesting take on the subject, find a copy of the 1985 movie, Amos, with Kirk Douglas starring as a feisty nursing home resident.