Old Navy Vet: Crewless Ship To Join U.S. Fleet

Named USS Sea Hunter, the drone combat vessel will operate totally by experts in control rooms back on land. It’s being developed and tested as an anti-submarine warfare vessel by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).

How does this former sailor who served in World War 2 and Korean War feel about this scuttlebutt? Do I regret that it won’t have crew’s quarters crowded with four-stacked racks. That’s where I once dwelt nightly among loud snores, thick cigarette smoke, illegal booze and frequent flatulence?

What kind of mess hall would be most appropriate for a ship full of non-human swabbies? Would the meal menus be only oil cans, or traditional Navy dishes, such as shit on a shingle (creamed chipped beef on toast)?

If some electronic cog or wheel on a mechanical sailor fails to do its duty, will the metal crewman be up for trial by captain’s mast? Further, if found guilty, would the digital swabbie be sentenced to 40 days of rusty rivets or piss and punk (water and bread) in the ship’s brig (prison)?

The non-human sailors may come back aboard the Sea Hunter after a night of fusing and fussing with robotic maidens in port. Will they then be required to go through the usual VD routine? Of course, the most important one will be short arm (genital) inspection by medically-qualified digital penis machinists (pharmacist’s mates). Final question: Would a crewless ship be commanded, as too many regular ones are, by clueless officers?

Wishing Anchors Aweigh to the U.S. Navy’s new mechanical messmates!

Lured Into Annoying Click-Bait Ad Websites

When skimming for current news and other info on your computer and smartphone, look out for unwanted intruders. Sections with titles Paid Content, Sponsored, Paid Partner Content and others poking out from the side of your screen will automatically start hawking products and commercial services like old-time snake oil salesmen.

When you click on them, instead of specific info you seek, your screen will be inundated with never-ending, unwanted verbal pitches, pictures and videos. Worse, many require you click to the so-called next page, and the next and the next in unending progression of pitches.

The screen will be jammed with annoying repeated ads you never wanted. Also, if you research a commercial website just once for specific info, your website will soon be jammed with daily repeat ads of the product or service for days, weeks or months.

In addition to online annoyances, regular TV programs continue to be interrupted with annoying ads at an average of 15 per hour. With some cable stations, it’s even more of the same pitches repeated daily, often hourly, for months and years.

There are ways to avoid this constant hammering of your ears, eyes and brain. Check with your cable provider for ways to clear your website of unwanted ads and/or return to the ancient days of just enjoying a good book and listening to soothing music.

NFL In$anity: San Francisco QB Gets $137.5 Million Contract

The 49ers signed a five-year contract with Jimmy Garoppolo worth $137.5 million. The deal is the largest in NFL history on an average-per-year basis. Garoppolo’s five-year deal will be $27.5 million each, for what are actually six-month playing years.

Already grossly overpriced stadium tickets will go up to get the money to pay this and other insanely inflated pro jock salaries. Of course, many of the millions will go for typical NFL player living necessities. They include agents, cars, mansions, wives, ex-wives, high-priced hookers, personal guards, booze, drugs and other required spending.

Of course, there will also be heavy taxes he will have to pay. Those costs could leave the unfortunate Garoppolo with only 10 or so millions annually to maintain his modest lifestyle in a humble mansion. Oh, the humanity!

USA Today: McDonald’s Fries Cure Baldness

A bunch of Japanese scientists claim they’ve tested rubbing the oily taters on naked mice and …. Voila! … the little guys got hairy. The magic ingredient in the burger oil is dimethylpolysiloxane. Don’t try to pronounce it, baldy. Just get to the store and find some for your naked pate.

So, if that McDonald’s fast food item can work hirsute miracles, maybe others can be effective in rubbing other bodily areas. A very spicy chicken sandwich at Wendy’s can intensify your love life if you don’t turn chicken. The soft tacos at Chipotle can soften lovers’ hard hearts. Taco Bell’s chicken quesadilla will make your next date a thrilla!

My Daily Photo: Whoooops! About To Collide?

Way back in the early 60s, I served as student aide/instructor daily in the photo lab to earn free tuition at the U of Penn’s Annenberg Grad School of Communications. Ever since, I’ve been obsessed with shooting interesting action moments that happen spontaneously. Never posed, and subjects unaware of my camera.

For non-foto freaks, I must explain that this scene is not an impending disaster. It happened across the street at least 25 feet from me. The two would-be athletes were actually several safe lateral yards apart, and my telephoto lens truncated the distance to produce the impression of imminent collision. Try the creative trick next time you’re out with camera or smartphone click.

Smartphones Create Dangerous Wanderers

Many seasoned tourists complain about how some of the world’s most beautiful attractions are over-run by clueless younger people and their kids. Whether it’s Hollywood Boulevard, the Eiffel Tower or Philly’s Independence Square, today’s annoying scene is the same.

Instead of enjoying the historical sights, they stroll aimlessly with eyes and ears glued to those flashing little electronic boxes. They block sidewalks, bump into each other and anyone else trying to walk and enjoy the views. Even more obnoxious is when they raise their selfie sticks. Not only is your body in danger from the mindless people bumps, but your face and eyes also become sticky selfie targets.