Now, in the autumn rutting season and the stags feel most horny, New York Mayor DeBlasio wants to take away their buckhood. He ordered a bunch of sharp-scissored veterinarians to roam the woods to hunt down and clip the stag ardor. The intent is to control the island’s overpopulated deer herds.
Hey, while they’re doing the stag slicing and dicing, maybe they should go beyond the woodland bucks and perform the surgery on some human buckaroos who may qualify for the same procedure. For example:
Kardashians: It would cut down on the never-ending annoying 24-7 publicity.
President Trump: While vets publicly desex stags, should The Donald be discouraged from grabbing handfuls of doe privates?
Bruce Jenner: Before he became Ms. Kaitlin, the former him had six kids with three hers.
Now beyond clipping, the late dicktator Fidel Castro had nine kids with five women.
Various other celebs who may qualify for sterilization: Charlie Sheen has five kids with three women, Clint Eastwood boasts seven kids with five mamas, Mike Tyson sired eight with five women, Bob Marley fathered 11 kids with seven women. And the champ of them all, boxer George Foreman has fathered 12 kids with five women.
Isn’t it about time they all were clipped by the vas deferens snippers?
There’s recent news about the former Bruce Jenner’s completing his final transformation into a female. The article used a word very familiar to those of us who served in the military.
When I was in the Navy, reassignment meant being transferred from one ship to another, or to duty at a shore station. When in college, the word often explained a change in classrooms.
Later, during my long career with a stuffy old insurance company, the term indicated a parallel desk move. The manager of one screwed-up department cleaned out his/her desk and was reassigned to boss another screwed-up department.
In pro sports, reassignment can have a similar meaning. When a potential major league baseball star fails to live up to the huge sign-up paycheck, the announcement reports that he has been reassigned to a minor league team. If management is in a kindly mood, the move is intended to give him experience before returning to the overpaid glory.
The word reassignment also can have even more negative connotations. In our company on several occasions, married executives who had been caught in extramarital shenanagans, were often reassigned. They were transferred from the posh corporate headquarters high-rise to a lowrise branch in one-horse Hicktown.
Of course, considering the never-ending headlines the Jenner/Kardarshian clan create, we’re all familiar with what the Bruce/Caitlin reassignment actually indicates. It means to all Jenner fans (and supporters) that the ex-Olympic athletic hero will have no more need for his jock strap.