Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Lecher Of The Free World’s Ass In A Sling

Believing he was anointed America’s king.
Donald Trump acts so damned high-fallootin’,
When lining himself up with Vladmir Putin.
He ignores the no-no from everyone’s mommy,
And gave away secrets to that Ruskie commie.
Our blustering president is just a big fat liar,
Which causes his britches to catch on fire.
So let’s recover from this political nonsense,
And give the White House to Michael Pence.

Vive Le Presidente! Er, Is That Yo Momma?

And you thought Trump and the Clintons are freaky? The new president of France, Emmaneul Macron is a handsome age 39, with a fluffy hairpiece that makes him look like a reincarnation of young Jack Kennedy. By his side as he begins his rule, we’d expect to see a glamorous 20ish Jackie look-alike first lady of France.

However, unlike Donald and Bill, infamous for chasing younger women, Macron has reversed the tradition. He’s married to his former high school teacher. She’s 64, some 24 years older than the new president of France. In the US, she could have been charged with criminal sexual misconduct with her then-17-year-old student. Brigitte Macron has three adult kids from a previous marriage who are close to their stepfather’s age, and are parents of seven of Brigitte’s grandkids.

So, cheer up all you ladies at the local nursing home. Keep looking out the window, and maybe some day, a handsome young politician may come riding by on his white horse and sweep you up to Elysée Palace.

Internet Pitch: Warning Signs Of Dementia

Current online ads selling some miracle meds list fearsome predictions. They claim to reveal what happens to an elderly nutcase when the old brain begins to fade away.

From personal day-to-day experience, this 91-year-old ancient mariner has compiled his own list. Therefore, you know you’re getting demented or are being visited by Dr. Al S. Heimer when:

You voted for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

Sex has faded from your mind, and now is just a word on your application form to the nursing home.

You fail to recognize members of your family, especially those who ask you for money.

You’re beginning to believe the miracle sex enhancement drug pitches on TV infomercials.

You scan the newspaper’s obit page daily, hoping you won’t see your name there.

You realize how dumb-ass you are when you try to use a smart-phone.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your shorts and discover you aren’t wearing any.

Sitting down for breakfast you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal.

The image you see in the bathroom mirror now looks like your driver’s license picture.

Getting lucky means your monthly Social Security check lasted a whole month.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You have more patience waiting to use the bathroom, but actually you don’t give a crap anymore.

Crazy Season Of Insane Winners & Losers Continues

The idiocy started in November. Hillary won the popular vote for President, but the Electoral College yo-yos sent the Donald to the White House.

The Atlanta Falcons were beating the hell out of the New England Patriots until the final seconds of the Super Bowl. Then their football dreams were deflated by Tom Brady’s inflated ego.

Last night, after three TV hours of intense Academy Award boredom, ancient Hollywood has-beens Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway staggered to the stage and opened the wrong envelope. Squinting with elderly myopic eyes, they announced the best picture Oscar for La La Land instead of the actual winner, Moonlight.

What’s next for the shocked American public? The Kardashians will find religion and donate all their money to the Salvation Army. Millions of unhappy, undocumented American families will cross the border to seek sanctuary in Mexico. Iran and North Korea will scrap their nuclear bomb plans and offer endless Love America parades.

President Trump will appoint Hillary Clinton ambassador to Outer Mongolia. Bill Clinton will accompany her, take a pledge of chastity and join an order of Mongolian monks. As long as there’s a weirdo Hollywood and screwed-up politics, the list will go on and on.

Flash Report: Internet Loaded With False News Sites

The breaking phony stories look real, and millions of people believe them. Therefore I’m starting my own fake news site with the following top ten dramatically untruthful headlines of today:
Santa Claus Leaves Coal In Hillary Clinton’s Stocking
Santa Claus Leaves Girl In Bill Clinton’s Stocking
President Trump To Install Slot Machines In The White House
Justin Bieber Signed By The Met To Sing Bieber Of Seville
The Former Bruce Jenner Marries Himself To Herself
Kim Kardashian Has Butt Surgery To Remove Kanye West
Colin Kaepernick Stands On One Leg For National Anthem
Ex-President Barack Obama Hired As Golf Pro
Vlad Putin Invades Cuba And Captures Castro’s Ashes
ISIS Terrorists Renounce Violence And Become Quakers

Trump Isn’t The Only Presidential Bed-Hopper

As Donald Trump prepares to be presidential, he brings a reputation as an unfaithful husband. Married three times, in his book, The Art of the Deal, he brags about cheating on his wives. You can be sure more randy romance rumors will fly during the next four years.

Of course, he’s not alone in Presidential bed-hopping history. A look back reveals similar behavior:

There are DNA and other records that prove Tom Jefferson fathered as many as six children with his slave, Sally Hemmings. He’s still honored today as author of the Declaration of Independence and one of the greatest Presidents. For various reasons, Tom’s called a Founding Father.

Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only President to be elected to four terms, died in 1945. At the time he was vacationing in Georgia with his longtime mistress, Lucy Mercer. The two had managed to get away secretly from spouses many times during their 30-year relationship.

Before General Dwight D. Eisenhower became President in 1953, he led the Allies to victory over Germany in World War II. One of Ike’s wartime conquests was Kay Summersby, former Brit fashion model, and then his private … er … chauffeur. According to reports, when Ike returned home, he was taken aside by Army Chief of Staff General George C. Marshall.

Marshall warned Ike to end the extramarital affair or he could be court-martialed and drummed out of the Army in disgrace. When Kay came to the U.S. to see him, Ike refused to meet with her, and went on to become a two-time … er … term President.

Young, handsome John F. Kennedy Young was rumored to have had many extramarital affairs, from movie stars to socialites to White House interns. Through the years, many books have been written about his conquests, included in a tell-all one in 2012 by a former teenage associate named Mimi Alford.

For his many sexual indiscretions in the White House, Bill Clinton survived an impeachment trial by the Senate. The names of Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones followed him throughout his two-term Presidency and in later years. Some historians insist Bill’s misbehavior was one of the reasons Hillary lost her opportunity to become the first woman President in U.S. history.