Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Old Guy Opinion: D.J. Trump Is Today’s W.C. Fields

Not many people today are old enough to remember the movie comedian of the 1930s and 40s. However, when considering both performers, in addition to their uncanny physical resemblance, their personalities seem very similar.

For example, W.C. Fields started his career as a circus juggler and clown, while Trump often clownishly juggles the truth in his Twittering. Both performers are famous for their air of self importance, bragging and bombastic words.

Compare some Fields vs Trump quotes:
Fields: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Trump: I don’t like losers.
Fields: I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
Trump: In Japan, they bow. Only thing I love about Japan.
Fields: If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Trump: I’ve been very successful. Everybody loves me.

Note: W.C. actually did make a comical faux try for the White House, and published a tongue-in-cheek book, Fields for President. It was in 1940, when Franklin D. Roosevelt was running for his historic and controversial 3nd term. Today’s Democrats can only pray the same situation doesn’t happen with President Trump in 2020, 2024, 2028 and….and….

Scaramucci New Trump Communications Director

Does that name conjure up memories of a fictional swashbuckler, Scaramouche? The 18th Century French hero is from a 1921 book by Rafael Sabatini, and was featured in a movie in 1952. Today’s Anthony Scaramucci may have to do some heavy swashbuckling to improve the Donald Trump image.

However, these quotes from the Sabatini book seem to eerily describe Donald Trump. Will Scaramucci be able to communicate some Scaramouche bravery to succeed in his job? Consider:

He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad.

Man never changes. He is always greedy, always acquisitive, always vile.

The stuff that makes fools of princes and princes of fools is money!

Lecher Of The Free World’s Ass In A Sling

Believing he was anointed America’s king.
Donald Trump acts so damned high-fallootin’,
When lining himself up with Vladmir Putin.
He ignores the no-no from everyone’s mommy,
And gave away secrets to that Ruskie commie.
Our blustering president is just a big fat liar,
Which causes his britches to catch on fire.
So let’s recover from this political nonsense,
And give the White House to Michael Pence.

Vive Le Presidente! Er, Is That Yo Momma?

And you thought Trump and the Clintons are freaky? The new president of France, Emmaneul Macron is a handsome age 39, with a fluffy hairpiece that makes him look like a reincarnation of young Jack Kennedy. By his side as he begins his rule, we’d expect to see a glamorous 20ish Jackie look-alike first lady of France.

However, unlike Donald and Bill, infamous for chasing younger women, Macron has reversed the tradition. He’s married to his former high school teacher. She’s 64, some 24 years older than the new president of France. In the US, she could have been charged with criminal sexual misconduct with her then-17-year-old student. Brigitte Macron has three adult kids from a previous marriage who are close to their stepfather’s age, and are parents of seven of Brigitte’s grandkids.

So, cheer up all you ladies at the local nursing home. Keep looking out the window, and maybe some day, a handsome young politician may come riding by on his white horse and sweep you up to Elysée Palace.

Internet Pitch: Warning Signs Of Dementia

Current online ads selling some miracle meds list fearsome predictions. They claim to reveal what happens to an elderly nutcase when the old brain begins to fade away.

From personal day-to-day experience, this 91-year-old ancient mariner has compiled his own list. Therefore, you know you’re getting demented or are being visited by Dr. Al S. Heimer when:

You voted for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

Sex has faded from your mind, and now is just a word on your application form to the nursing home.

You fail to recognize members of your family, especially those who ask you for money.

You’re beginning to believe the miracle sex enhancement drug pitches on TV infomercials.

You scan the newspaper’s obit page daily, hoping you won’t see your name there.

You realize how dumb-ass you are when you try to use a smart-phone.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your shorts and discover you aren’t wearing any.

Sitting down for breakfast you hear snap, crackle, pop, and you’re not eating cereal.

The image you see in the bathroom mirror now looks like your driver’s license picture.

Getting lucky means your monthly Social Security check lasted a whole month.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

You have more patience waiting to use the bathroom, but actually you don’t give a crap anymore.

Crazy Season Of Insane Winners & Losers Continues

The idiocy started in November. Hillary won the popular vote for President, but the Electoral College yo-yos sent the Donald to the White House.

The Atlanta Falcons were beating the hell out of the New England Patriots until the final seconds of the Super Bowl. Then their football dreams were deflated by Tom Brady’s inflated ego.

Last night, after three TV hours of intense Academy Award boredom, ancient Hollywood has-beens Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway staggered to the stage and opened the wrong envelope. Squinting with elderly myopic eyes, they announced the best picture Oscar for La La Land instead of the actual winner, Moonlight.

What’s next for the shocked American public? The Kardashians will find religion and donate all their money to the Salvation Army. Millions of unhappy, undocumented American families will cross the border to seek sanctuary in Mexico. Iran and North Korea will scrap their nuclear bomb plans and offer endless Love America parades.

President Trump will appoint Hillary Clinton ambassador to Outer Mongolia. Bill Clinton will accompany her, take a pledge of chastity and join an order of Mongolian monks. As long as there’s a weirdo Hollywood and screwed-up politics, the list will go on and on.