Tag Archives: toilets

Toilet Humor: Genderless Public Facilities Rules

Now that North Carolina has made toilets gender mixed, soon anyone who has to go can go anywhere. Therefore, isn’t it time for some Ann Landers type of social expert to come up with new rules of bathroom courtesy?

As we were taught as kids, there is correct behavior when mixing socially with the opposite sex. And now that all toilets will soon be totally genderless, how do we behave in the confines of public rest rooms? Some suggested rules:

Polite man to urgent woman: After you ma’am. A gentleman always gives up his seat to a lady.

Shocked woman: Sir, I know you believe you’re king of the hill, but please keep the door closed while you’re on the throne

Angry woman: Sir, you’re acting like a smart ass when you point that camera at mine.

Laughing man: Hey, Peeping Tom, good news! You don’t have to drill a peep hole in the wall any more to see women in the John.

Disgusted lady: No, sir, just because we’re seated side-by-side, I will not discuss the latest poop with you.

What’s All This Crap About Genderless Toilets?

Because of celebrities freely changing genders and private body parts, many bathrooms around the land are no longer limited to one sex. I won’t venture an opinion on the subject, except to anticipate that privacy where you must expose your private parts may soon become obsolete.

I’ve had bathroom issues since the age of six, when my widowed mom put me in an all-boys orphanage. For 12 years, I never was in a toilet alone, nor had any other bathroom privacy. Within weeks of leaving school just after my 18th birthday, I joined the Navy. I spent another three years on ship and shore with the same total lack of bathroom privacy.

Most notable was a wartime 1944-45 year in the Philippines. At first, on the isle of Leyte with an advanced Navy unit, our urinal was the woods behind our tent. Our shower was a large canvas water bag hanging from a tree.

For sit-down relief, we had an outdoor wooden platform box with eight holes. As we sat there, we were frequently visited by native men, women and kids selling us fruit, vegetables and other products.

When our unit moved up to Manila, we had somewhat better toilet facilities, a metal Quonset hut over a river with indoor toilet holes. Since we were all male, we weren’t required to share. Our private shower consisted of four wooden slats topped with a large canvas water bag.

Now in my 90s, limited in travel and visiting public restrooms, I haven’t yet been in an all-gender toilet. If and when it happens, I don’t think it would be a terribly upsetting experience. Unless, of course, someone attempts to sell something to this serenely squatting senior.