Tag Archives: Trump

It’s Too Late, But Now Do We All Believe Hillary?

There’s daily hoopla imploding and exploding in the White House and around the world these days. So, maybe all the warnings we heard from Hillary during the presidential campaign should have been heeded.

Hillary’s speeches and campaigning in 2016 almost worked to get her elected, and she actually won in the popular votes. However, the brain-challenged students at the Electoral College flunked their final exam and plunked the Donald into the Executive Mansion. So, Trumpeters, now you have to live (or die) with your election choice.

Pope Francis Declares No Such Place As Hell

He’s getting a lot of criticism for that remark. Anyhow, there is much hell here on Earth to prove him incorrect. Examples:
Waiting in line at the drivers license bureau
Serving in the Trump cabinet
Hollywood producer’s casting couch
Stalled on the Los Angeles Freeway at drive time
Visit to the dentist’s office
Living in North Korea
Toilet stall after Mexican dinner
Being married to one of the Trumps…..

Famous Inspirational Sayings By American Presidents

Washington: I can not tell a lie.
Adams: Liberty once lost, is lost forever.
Lincoln: Those who deny liberty to others, deserve it not for themselves.
Teddy Roosevelt: Speak softly, but carry a big stick.
Franklin Roosevelt: The only fear we have is fear itself.
Kennedy: Ask not what your country can do for you.
Obama: I believe in the American people.
Trump: You’re fired!

What If History Were To Be Relationship Corrected…

These days it seems just about every physical contact between men and women leads to sensational news and enriched lawyers. Therefore, let’s go back poetically to historically famous couples who could have had different relationships in today’s sanitized, inter-sexual behavior:
To Adam from Eve: Get your dirty hands off my cleave.
Cleopatra to Caesar: Marc Anthony is a better pleaser.
Juliet to Romeo: Get thee away from me, thou homeo!
Ann Boleyn to Henry the King: Because of you my head went zing!
Josephine to Nappy: Go to Waterloo if it’ll make you happy.
Victoria to Albert: Restrain those princely hands, you pervert!
Scarlett to Rhett: Frankly, my dear, I wouldn’t have you on a bett!
Bonnie to Clyde: Is it safe to go on that one last car ride?
Hillary to Billy: I’d be President if you hadn’t behaved so silly!
To Donald from Melania: When you grope other women, I go insania!

Staten Isl. NY: Male Deer Vasectomies Ordered

Now, in the autumn rutting season and the stags feel most horny, New York Mayor DeBlasio wants to take away their buckhood. He ordered a bunch of sharp-scissored veterinarians to roam the woods to hunt down and clip the stag ardor. The intent is to control the island’s overpopulated deer herds.

Hey, while they’re doing the stag slicing and dicing, maybe they should go beyond the woodland bucks and perform the surgery on some human buckaroos who may qualify for the same procedure. For example:

Kardashians: It would cut down on the never-ending annoying 24-7 publicity.
President Trump: While vets publicly desex stags, should The Donald be discouraged from grabbing handfuls of doe privates?
Bruce Jenner: Before he became Ms. Kaitlin, the former him had six kids with three hers.
Now beyond clipping, the late dicktator Fidel Castro had nine kids with five women.
Various other celebs who may qualify for sterilization: Charlie Sheen has five kids with three women, Clint Eastwood boasts seven kids with five mamas, Mike Tyson sired eight with five women, Bob Marley fathered 11 kids with seven women. And the champ of them all, boxer George Foreman has fathered 12 kids with five women.

Isn’t it about time they all were clipped by the vas deferens snippers?

Oldsters: Get Your Ashes Hauled And Spread

As a very, very ancient guy approaching the inevitable, one of the more interesting, but intrusive internet ads I’ve observed recently is for a flying funeral service.

I won’t name the company, but if it keeps posting the offer, you’re sure to see it splashed across your big or little screen. My interest was piqued by some of the famous locations the ad suggests where you can choose to have your remainders scattered from above. They include national parks, monuments, mountains, deserts, beaches and other dramatically scenic final destinations.

I agree that those ultimate ash-hauling locations are ok, but I’d like to volunteer some of my more preferred final flights of fancy:

Above the White House lawn onto an outdoor Trump family and friends lunch.
On grossly overpaid football kneelers as they disrespect the USA.
Strew buckets of still-burning white ash over all the white hoods at a KKK rally.
Sprinkled on top of a fat-ashed Kardashian family picnic.
Over the millionaire Clinton$ as they pile up their million$ from paid speeches.