England’s Prince Philip To Retire At Age 95

Buckingham Palace announces that Philip, Royal Consort and Duke of Edinburgh, will retire from his official duties in August. It isn’t that he’s had a tough career. He wasn’t sweating in the mines, loading cargo nor pushing a plow. His 70-year career consisted mostly of shaking hands, kissing babies and watching people scrape and bow to his royal spouse.

On second thought, it must tough every morning to crawl out of the royal bed and get all gussied up in a fancy uniform. He and his personal valet must remember where the buttons, braid and medals have to be tacked on. He has to ask himself: does today’s parade require me to wear my Army, Navy or Royal Air Force uniform? Or just a tuxedo and top hat? Not likely he can relax in a torn Beatles tee shirt and jeans with fashionably ripped knees.

Along with all his princely grandeur, it must be a bit humiliating at all the ceremonies to walk a step behind his wife. Many people believe most of Philip’s life has been similar to being a toy soldier. Seriously, let’s not forget he served bravely during World War 2 as a combat officer in the Royal Navy.

OK To Euthanize Oldsters In Merry Olde England

The United Kingdom may not be so merry about its elderly now that doctors are able to kill patients ages 75 and up if they’ll agree to sign ‘do not resuscitate’ orders.

The British government’s medical program now legally permits doctors to ask the elderly if they want to kick the bucket, shuffle off this mortal coil, assume room temperature and, of course, agree to be snuffed. In other words: “Hey, you old coot! You’re gonna die soon anyhow, so stop hanging around taking up space!”

I’ll be 92 in just a few months, and hope no one has considered killing me yet. No such attempts have been made on me since a bunch of Japanese guys tried when I was in the Navy back in World War 2, and some other angry Asians a few years later during the Korean War.

The Bible says the normal lifespan is three score years and ten (or 70, if you’re not a Bible-readin’ man or woman). The considerate British lawmakers were so veddy, veddy kind to add another five, adding up to 75. If I were in England now, their sawbones would compute that I was a decade and a half late in obeying the new edict.

However, if they insisted, I’d offer some more Biblical quotes and mention a really old guy named Methuselah. That sexy senior citizen begat all kinds of kids after he was way over centuries old. If he were still around today, he could be the perfect spokesprophet for Viagra.

Let’s take a moment to consider the history of some elderly people who could’ve been rubbed out at 75, and the world would’ve been a poorer place for it:

Ben Franklin was 81 when he helped write the Constitution in 1787. At 82, Winston Churchill served in Parliament and wrote a History of English Speaking People. Henry Kissinger, now 93, is still advising Presidents.

Some show-biz greats were known for their longevity: Bob Hope was entertaining GIs at age 90, and George Burns performed in Las Vegas at 99. Marlene Dietrich also starred in Sin City until age 80.

Many are still going strong today. Betty White is 95 and continues acting in hit TV shows. Doris Day, 93, maintains her activism in animal rescue programs. Kirk Douglas, 100, stars in a current autobiographical stage and video documentary. Angela Lansbury, 91, recently won a Tony Award for her Broadway role in Noel Coward’s “Blithe Spirit.”

Therefore, to all you British and other medical experts, I make a plea. Before you pull the plug, make sure your elderly patient doesn’t have another decade or two to make your world a better one. And don’t forget, if you let ’em live, you’ll be hauling in even more fee$ from your grossly-overpriced medical bills.

OK To Kill Old People In Merry (Bury) Old England

  
According to a London Daily Mail article, the British government’s medical program now legally permits doctors to ask people a certain question when they reach age 75. Do they want to kick the bucket, shuffle off this mortal coil, assume room temperature and/or sign a “do not resuscitate” order? 
In other words: “Hey, you incontinent old bastard! You’re gonna die soon anyhow, so stop hanging around taking up space, smelling up the room, and draining money your ungrateful kids desperately want!”

I’m 90, and no one, except occasionally my spouse, has considered killing me lately. No attempts have been made since a bunch of Japanese guys tried when I was in the Navy in World War 2. Then, some North Korean guys had the same idea a few years later during the Korean War.

The Bible says the normal lifespan is three score years and ten (that means 70, if you ain’t a Bible reader). The considerate British lawmakers were so veddy, veddy kind to add another five years to their max age for snuffing out oldsters. If I were in England now, their sawbones would compute that I was 15 years late in obeying the new rub-’em-out edict. 

However, if they insisted, I’d offer the Biblical story about a really old guy named Methuselah. Probably just a legend, but the claim was the sexy senior citizen begat all kinds of kids until he hit 900. If he were still around today, he could be the perfect spokesprophet for Viagra.

Let’s take a moment to consider the history of some elderly people who could’ve been exterminated at 75, and the world would’ve been a poorer place for it. For example, Ben Franklin was 81 when he helped write the U.S. Constitution in 1787.

Some show-biz greats were known for their longevity: Bob Hope was entertaining GIs at age 90, and George Burns performed in Las Vegas at 99. Marlene Dietrich also starred in Sin City until age 80.

Queen Elizabeth II and every loyal subject in Great Britain are celebrating her 90th birthday on April 21 this year with all kinds of salutes, music, parades and festive events. World War II English Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill was 81 when he left office, and served another ten years as a member of Parliament. 

Many actors are still going strong today. Betty White is 94 and continues starring in hit TV shows. Doris Day, 93, maintains her activism in animal rescue programs. Kirk Douglas, 99, performs in a current autobiographical live stage and video documentary. Mel Brooks, 90, has a similar schedule. Angela Lansbury, 90, recently won a Tony Award for her Broadway role in Noel Coward’s “Blithe Spirit.”

Therefore, to all you British and other alleged geratric medical experts, I make a plea. Before you pull the plug, make sure your elderly patient doesn’t have another decade or two to make your world a better one. And don’t forget, if you let ’em live, you’ll be grabbing even more money from your grossly inflated medical fees